Manic

2011, Texas: It was pitch dark and damn near silent. As Bobbie was lying on her back, she could hear the gentle breathing of her husband and puppy. She looked over at the clock for the third time, and it was a little past 1a.m. Bobbie knew it was that time…she was very alert and many thoughts were racing through her mind. She decided to go downstairs and work on her website. It seemed like there was so much to do but there was so little time. As she was typing away, she could vividly visualize the events that had happened to her and those she crossed paths with. She loved hearing about their stories, and tried to learn from them. She prayed to God to give her inspiration and to help her to write well…to help her touch those who read her stories. Bobbie’s husband walked down the stairs, so Bobbie looked at the clock again. It was 4:15 a.m….time to get ready for work. The usual coffe routine wasn’t necessary, Bobbie was ready to start the day. At work, she was more confident than ever, more focused…more organized…more outgoing, and pretty much more of everything. She felt like she could conquer the world and give everyone in sight a big hug. Now, the downside of this wonderful phase is that every “up” has it’s “down”…it was just a matter of time.

2011, Texas: Bobbie decided to give herself a manicure and pedicure…at about 3a.m. She then picked out what she wanted to wear for the upcoming weekend. Wearing civilian clothes was a golden opportunity since she had to wear her uniform during the week. The outfits she layed out were vibrant in color, with matching earrings and shoes. During this time, she did the works to ensure she looked as great as she felt. She would even have the patience to straighten her hair helself. After laying out her clothes, she started painting, a favorite hobby she neglected for a while due to her lack of creativeness. However, feeling this type of emotional high was very addictive , especially when it was so positive. It was like floating in the clouds…feeling like a godess. At times like this, Bobbie had no desire to take her medication (mood stabilizer)…even though she knew it was best for her. Once again, when you’re up so high, eventually you come down…sometimes too hard. The mood stabilizer prevents the so-called downward crash. Bobbie was reluctant to give up this happiness that she rarely had a chance to experience. Afterall, orgasms only occured while she was off the med. Sadly, sometimes people learn the hard way.

2009, Arizona: Bobbie swore up and down that she would never re-enlist. Feeling great and loving the world at the time could change one’s mind. Bobbie re-enl;isted to go to a depoying unit in Texas. Not only would she be able to be in the same state as her kids, but she would also have an opportunity to experience Afghanistan, and chip in what she could to help the cause. The plan seemed perfect…until reality hit. As soon as Bobbie arrived at her new unit in Texas, they told her she was going to another unit. Months later, she found out that her kids were PCSing (moving) to another state. Bobbie couldn’t believe all that was happening. It was like her whole world fell apart. She had even bought a house in Texas. Bobbie was good at making impulsive decisions…and she paid the price again.

2008, Iraq: Bobbie’s supervisors had to pull her to the side twice to encourage her to get some sleep. Sometimes she was working between 15 to 18 hours a day, with no days off. They were concerned about her well-being. Bobbie loved her work for the first time in the Army. She couldn’t stop what she was doing…it was addictive and very satisfying. The people she worked with were by far the most professional, caring, hard-working, and funny people she had ever enountered. However, by the end of her tour, she was burnt out.

2006, Hawaii: During this time, Bobbie was either a very happy camper or a very irritated camper. Within seconds things would go flying…like a vase into a wall, dishes would be shattered into several pieces, pictures would be ripped without hesitation, and the verbal and physcial abuse would just come with the package. Bobbie couldn’t see straight whenever rage came to visit her.  It was much worse during PMS time, and Midol only did so much. After the storm, Bobbie would sit quietly by herself and wonder why she was the way she was. She undertood that some of her behavior stemmed from her past experiences, but she had always told herself that she would never become her mother . She was wrong. Bobbie couldn’t stand the idea that she couldn’t control herself. If was like her emotions exploded every now and then like a volcano. Since 2010, after receiving therapy and being on the mood stabilizer, Bobbie never experienced rage again. Thank God.

2001-2007: Once in a blue moon, Bobbie loved going out and treating her Soldiers to various things like lunch, dinner, drinks, b-day cakes and gifts, etc. Sometimes…okay, all the time (during this time) Bobbie would go to the extreme and spend hundreds of dollars. She called them her “Children of the Corn”  as a joke since they were a pain-in-the-ass every now and then. But she loved them like her own children. Even when Bobbie visited her kids, she would spend at least $8000, to include airfare, hotel, rental car, food, entertainement, etc. The way Bobbie saw it, she only saw her kids once or twice a year, so of course she wanted to give them the world when she actually did get to see them. For Bobbie, it was worth it. The obvious down-side of this impulsive spending spree is being indebt. Definitely not recommended for others to go to the extreme…no matter how generous you feel at the time. Spending in moderation is always a smart idea. Bobbie’s still working on that.

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~ by Bobbie on November 10, 2011.

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