NOTE:  The following post is part of a series about the challenging process of unconditionally forgiving a biological father who abandoned me since I was a baby. The series of posts are in the following order:  

Bobbie never really thought about her biological father until her parents felt as though she was ready for “The Talk”. It was the summer before ninth grade in Pusan, Korea. First, Bobbie’s mother approached her and said that she felt Bobbie was old enough now to hear the truth. She told her that she wasn’t full Korean, but half Japanese. “Remember the times, especially when you were very little, you told me that people asked if you were Japanese? Well, it’s because your real father is Japanese. I didn’t tell you then because I didn’t want you to be judged and hated. It’s a cultural thing. He was born in the States, so he’s Americanized, and he was in the security forces at Kunsan Air Force Base. His name is Frank Yamaguchi (fake name). She then gave me bits and pieces of him, but not a whole lot…just mostly bad things. Oh, she did mention that he was a very small, but powerful man. Then she had to add that Bobbie looked just like him. Next, Bobbie’s “real” father (who raised her) gave his two cents on this Frank dude that left Bobbie when she was six months old. Bobbie’s father was also in the AirForce at the time and knew of Frank. He mentioned that Frank had a very good reputation on base…and that was pretty much it. Ever since then, Bobbie often wondered who this Frank Yamaguchi was…this other half of her. She did recall, when she was around three years old, wiping a portrait with a dry rag of some Asian man in a military uniform. Bobbie’s mother later confirmed it was indeed him. Bobbie’s mother had a couple version of stories as to why Frank left the fam. Bobbie’s favorite one was that she cried excessively as a baby…therefore, she drove Frank away. The second story is that Frank never wrote back or called after going on TDY (military business trip). Bobbie never even saw a picture of Frank. To make a long-ass story short, while Bobbie was deployed in Iraq, her current husband researched this Frank Yamaguchi guy and located his residence. When Bobbie returned from deployment, she had a nice little surprise waiting for her. Bobbie and her husband decided to go on a little field trip on a four-day Veteran’s Day weekend…to California! It was a long-ass drive with nothing but desert to look at. When Bobbie and her hubby finally arrived at the gated community “Estates” of blah blah blah (can’t recall the exact name)…Bobbie knocked on the door. A beautiful, petite Italian lady opened the door. Bobbie basically said something like, “Hi, we don’t know each other, and this is really awkward, but I would like to meet my biological father just once. I don’t need anything from him.” The lady then asked, “Barbara?” Bobbie couldn’t believe her ears…was this a dream she thought. The lady then said that she had heard about Bobbie, but Frank was sleeping at the moment. She then asked if she could contact Bobbie and her husband later. Just when Bobbie was about to agree, a big head popped out from behind her. It was like looking in the mirror. Except he had really short hair that looked as if he had just rolled out of bed. “Barbie?” he asked. Bobbie pretended he didn’t call her that. No one has ever called her by that name. Anyway, Bobbie and her husband were invited into the ginormous house. They talked for a little while and then decided to have breakfast the very next day. Rollin seemed more concerned about bragging about himself and telling war stories that he did Bobbie. Bobbie’s husband later convinced her that Frank was just probably nervous and making small talk. Her husband also mentioned that Frank and her were a mirror image of each other while he was watching the two of them talk over breakfast and dinner. He said that even the mannerisms were the same. Well, impressively enough, Frank was in the Special Forces, was an ex-CI guy, a former Command Sergeant Major, a black belt in Tae Kwon Do and some other martial arts, was a Harley Davison Rider, etc. Although he had a total of six children (three from his first marriage, one from Bobbie’s mother, and two from the beautiful Italian lady)…they all thought it was neat that only Bobbie joined the military, and her and Frank’s MOS (job) were similar. He was also 75 years old, but he looked as if he was in his fifties…just like Bobbie’s mother. Thank God for good genes…at least Bobbie hoped. One of the nice things that Frank said to Bobbie was that he wanted to make up for the lost “father and daughter” time. Bobbie thought he was full of shit, so she didn’t bother to call him when she returned home (Arizona). Frank actually called Bobbie and said that he really meant what he said. So, Bobbie called him on Thanksgiving, but his wife said that he went out for a walk with his son, so she just left him a message. Before Christmas, Bobbie sent Frank and his family a Christmas card. A month or so later, Frank sent Bobbie a Christmas card apologizing (again) for not staying in touch. Bobbie took the hint and cut off ties. Now, Bobbie wonders if she should forgive him again. Afterall, Jesus forgave folks over and over and over again. Perhaps one day.


~ by Bobbie on November 10, 2011.

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