God’s Perfection

NOTE:  The following post is part of a series about the challenging process of unconditionally forgiving a biological father who abandoned me since I was a baby. The series of posts are in the following order:  

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It’s amazing to be reminded of God’s perfection in the events of life. Thanks to my husband informing me about my sister’s unusual status on fb, I decided to call and talk to her. During our conversation, I found out that my step-mother (her mother) wasn’t doing well, so I called her. During my conversation with my step-mother, our talk about my dad (the one who raised me) passing away led to a talk about my biological father, whom I only met once when I was 35 years old, but never contacted again. I took her advice to call my biological father, and I’m grateful that I did, because I found out that he only has 6-9 months to live. Before I had called him, I was under the impression that he had no interest in staying in touch with me; hence, I chose not to bother him by trying to stay in touch. I was wrong.

After our first meeting, during Veteran’s Day weekend of 2008, he told me that he wanted to make up for the lost father and daughter time. I was happy to hear such words come out of his mouth, but at the same time was very skeptical. So, even though he asked me to call him upon arriving back home (a nearby state), I didn’t. To my surprise, he called me and said that he really meant it when he said that he wanted to have a relationship with me. So, I called him on Thanksgiving Day, and left a message with his wife who informed me that he was on a walk with his son. He didn’t call back. So, before Christmas, I sent him a card, but I still didn’t hear from him. About a month after Christmas, I received a Christmas card from him apologizing for not staying in touch again. It was then that I decided to take what appeared to me as a hint and discontinued contact with him. I felt that perhaps a small part of him wanted to keep in touch with me, but then it was too much to deal with since he had a new family. Both his son and daughter (my younger half brother and sister) were beautiful and they were also both in medical school. I thought to myself, he has a picture perfect family, why would he be interested in me?

A little over two years later, I had a sudden desire to contact him again, but I had deleted all his contact info. So, I searched for him on the internet only to find an obituary of his wife who had peacefully passed away after battling breast cancer. I was shocked. She was only 50 years old and my bio dad was in his mid-seventies. When I did further research, I came across an article and found out that she was diagnosed with cancer five months after I met them. I felt bad and wished that I had stayed in touch to at least send a get well card and flowers every now and then. Although I had only spent a day and a half with her with we first met, I quickly learned that she was a very beautiful, elegant, kind and honest person. She was also a great community leader and women’s health advocate. Apparently, only a few people even knew about her suffering. The article stated, “Here was a woman who was going through one of the greatest challenges, a fight for her life,” her friend said, “and she did it with dignity and such grace and was always constantly thinking about others and putting others first.” Well, I have peace in my heart knowing that her soul is with God, and I’m happy for her. I felt sad for my bio dad, and I imagined how lonely he must be. But then I reminded myself that he has five other children living near him, three from his first marriage and two from his third marriage. So once again, I convinced myself that he didn’t need me in his life.

It’s funny how I never had a relationship with my bio dad, yet, I felt a deep sadness in my heart when I found out about his unfortunate condition. He was a SF Vietnam veteran, as well as a POW (I had just found out), and he had been exposed to agent orange. When I had explained to him why I chose not to stay in touch with him, he mentioned that I was all wrong about him not wanting to stay in touch with me, that he loves me regardless because I’m his daughter. He also said that he never received my phone message on Thanksgiving Day, and that he also never received a Christmas card from my husband and me. He then further explained that since his wife was on various medication at the time, she was usually in a state of disorientation, which could have led to forgetfulness or misplacing the card. I agreed, although I secretly wondered what the truth is. It’s funny how I just now realized, as I was typing, that his wife had not been diagnosed with cancer until four months after Christmas. But I’m okay with it. I trust God that everything happened perfectly, so I shouldn’t have a judgment about it. Good news is that my bio asked if he could visit me, so a plan is in the works. I will cherish every moment. Granted, plans can end up cancelled for whatever reasons, so I must continuously remind myself not to have any expectations, but rather go with the flow of the universe. I wanted to share this with y’all so that we may remember to forgive, love and appreciate others before its too late. But most importantly, we should remember to trust God that every person, place, thing, and event is a gift sent from Him…a priceless blessing.

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~ by Bobbie on December 31, 2011.

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