Different Versions of Hell

NOTE:  The following post is part of a series about the challenging process of unconditionally forgiving a biological father who abandoned me since I was a baby. The series of posts are in the following order:  
A follow-up e-mail to my biological father:
One more thing:

When you die, I hope for your sake, you choose to be reincarnated as a child who experiences living in poverty, fear, mistrust, shame and hatred. Not only will your father abandon you as an infant, but so will other father figures. Your mother will be an alcoholic and verbally, emotionally and physically abuse you. You will be physically unattractive and not so smart. As an adult, you will fall deeply in love with your beautiful wife and have four children. After many years, she will crush your heart by finding a wealthy, handsome, and powerful man, and take all your children with her. You will move on to other relationships, but they too will eventually leave you. But before they do, you will experience their compulsive lies, empty promises, and gestures that are not genuine.

Then, one day, you will reunite with your biological father who will visit you for two days. During the majority of this time, he will continuously and enthusiastically BRAG (while trying to convince you that he’s not) about the numerous details of his wealthy lifestyle that him and his immediate family enjoyed, his countless achievements in the military and civilian life, detailed stories about his military missions and his second wife (whom you could care less about), his connections with powerful people (to include a celebrity), and his movie star dog. At that moment, you will have a feeling of empathy to other souls who have experienced the same or similar situation.

Throughout your life, may you remember to choose the path of love so that you can reconnect with God. Otherwise, your life will be your version of hell. I believe I experienced what I did in this lifetime because my soul chose to evolve more so that I can be closer to God. My second step-brother said that my father (the one who raised me) was in hell for sure. God made sure of it. He said that my father hurt many people (especially his own children), he abandoned one family after another, he was a liar, cheater and betrayer, and he hid behind God (in his case, the Catholic church) before he died. He, too, bragged a lot…but not nearly as much as you. He wasn’t a narcissist.

However, I noticed that you and my father are almost mirror images of each other. The differences are: he was determined to make right what he did wrong, and when he came to visit me while I was in Virginia, his focus was solely on me. He asked me many questions, to include whether or not I had enough money to pay my rent and for groceries. Bottom line is…he may not have taken me to the mall, but he showed genuine concern and interest in spending quality time with me. You, on the other hand, are a very selfish man. I’ve never met anyone who is more about himself than you, which is unfortunate because that major flaw washes away all your other worldly achievements.

Anyway, I thought what my step-brother said was interesting. I wonder which belief is true. Either way, I know God will ensure that you go through a perfect process in order for your soul to evolve. I know you think you’re ALL THAT, but I guarantee you…most people won’t admit it to you, but they have little to no respect and admiration for you (regardless of your countless achievements). I also bet that some may have already labeled you a narcissist. Think about that. I definitely won’t miss you…you appeared very flaky and insincere. Even your nonverbal cues revealed your true nature. I’ve deleted all your numbers, and I don’t ever want to see you again. I don’t even care if you’re dying anymore. You would think at the age of 76, you would have developed the ability to express genuine kindness, empathy, selflessness, integrity, honesty, and humbleness. I’ve met and known other SF and SOF men, and they were all extremely impressive, but not you. A part of me feels ashamed that someone like you is my biological father, my own blood. At least I’ve learned that I have absolutely no desire to be like you.

Enjoy your ridiculously expensive $60__.__ boots that you had the insensitivity to buy in front of your daughter that you never supported. My mother said that if you had that much extra money in your checking account (since you paid it with your debit card), why wouldn’t you want to give it to your daughter who you haven’t supported her whole life? Why would any parent be more concerned about buying himself very pricey shoes? At the mall, you were using your credit card, so I didn’t want to buy anything expensive. I even told my husband that’s why I picked the much cheaper watch. I’m so done with you.



~ by Bobbie on January 17, 2012.

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