A Heartless Hypocrite or Just a Lost Soul?

NOTE:  The following post is part of a series about the challenging process of unconditionally forgiving a biological father who abandoned me since I was a baby. The series of posts are in the following order:  

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Question: A Heartless Hypocrite or Just a Lost Soul?

My Answer: Just a Lost Soul

Closed Heart
Matthew 18:21-22
English Standard Version (ESV)

The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant

21 Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” 22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.

Mark 11:25
English Standard Version (ESV)

25 And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.”

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” Mahatma Gandhi

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A message sent to my biological father, after four attempts to make a last contact about forgiveness:

Hi,

Sunny wanted to know how things turned out, so I told her that I tried to contact you four times (twice via e-mail and twice via phone message), but I still didn’t hear from you. Granted, someone called once yesterday, via a private number, but he/she never left a message, so I can’t really say for sure that it was you. The funny thing is, when I left the second phone message, someone had changed the ringtone to a joyful classical song; so, apparently, somebody heard my first message that I left.

I told Sunny “thank you” for her suggestion, but she was wrong about you being a forgiving parent, a loving soul and a true man of God. I told her that her big heart can sometimes be naive; not all so-called Catholics are true Christians like her. I told her that this was going to happen…that I would build up the courage to contact you, and you would disappoint me again, just like you did when you abandoned me the first time as well as the first time I took her advice to try and contact you again the second time. Even my husband had a gut feeling that you would hurt me again. But that’s okay, I embrace this result. Like I mentioned before, everything falls into place perfectly; I trust God.

I even told Sunny today, “How in the world was I expecting a man, who bragged about committing war crimes during the Vietnam conflict (i.e., throwing Vietnamese soldiers off the plane during his interrogations) on his first day of visiting me, to have ANY REMORSE for any other horrible thing he did throughout his lifetime, to include abandoning one family after another? As a matter of fact, he’s probably wanting to tell me what he had told his father before he died, ‘See you in hell.’ Or, he’s probably so confident that he’s going to heaven that he doesn’t feel that he needs to forgive others even though he, too, has much to be forgiven about.”

Goodbye. Just as you weren’t able to find it in your heart to forgive, I thank God that He gives you the exact same experience so that your soul may evolve and eventually become one with Him. Until then, may your soul cycle through many lifetimes so that you finally remember that we are all one.

“What we do for one another, we do for ourselves; what we fail to do for one another, we fail to do for ourselves.” From a book by Neale Donald Walsch

Additional note: Just for the record, even though your soul will journey through as many lifetimes as it will take for your soul to finally evolve into an all-loving soul (hence, become reunited with God), God is not punishing you, but rather helping you and your spiritual growth. God will still hug and kiss you before He sends you off to your next life on planet Earth.

In order to have peace in my heart, Sunny urged me not to be hurt again, but rather not expect to receive anything, even a simple response. She said that as long as I choose to forgive you again unconditionally, I will have no regrets when you pass away, regardless of whether or not you choose to forgive in return. I told her that it’s such a struggle to forgive someone who doesn’t put forth any effort to open his heart as well; but I will….mainly for me and God.

Bobbie

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From: B
To: R
Subject: Fw: Forgiveness
Sent: Sun, Jun 17, 2012 2:16:58 AM

Hi,

We just got back from treating my husband to an early Father’s Day dinner since he has duty tomorrow, so I missed what’s more than likely your return call. Your the only person that I know who shows up as a private number. I didn’t take my phone so that I could focus my attention on my husband, since it’s his special day. I would call you back, but I don’t wanna end up getting indigestion or something if the conversation doesn’t go well. I guess I’m kind of nervous because I don’t know what to expect. You didn’t want to reply to my e-mail? You probably have plans tomorrow with Mark, Michelle, and/or Patty. I hope you have a happy Father’s Day. Thank you for at least trying to return my call.

Bobbie

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From: B
To: R
Subject: Forgiveness
Sent: Sat, Jun 16, 2012 2:48:49 PM

Hi,

My step-mother, Sunny, and I had another long talk, and she managed to convince me to contact you before you passed away. I’m usually very adamant about not looking back after cutting ties with someone who continuously hurts me, but I guess Sunny touched my heart with her words of wisdom and love like nobody else has. I felt God’s presence in her. So here I am e-mailing you and taking my chances of being hurt again. Sunny mentioned that it’s in a parent and child’s blood to forgive one another no matter what happens. I guess that’s why I’ve been continuously forgiving the one person who has hurt me the most (my mother) and continued to do so until recently, where I confronted her about her ongoing emotional abuse of manipulation and lies. Perhaps it’s now a perfect time for some big change…I don’t know, but I choose to just trust God. So no matter how you reply to this e-mail, I will know that it was meant to be. I know I have said some hurtful things myself, out of hurt and anger, and I’m sorry. If I don’t hear from you, I wish you well, and I hope you don’t end up suffering due to your illness. God will hug and kiss you when the time comes for your soul to be set free from your physical body.

Bobbie

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~ by Bobbie on June 18, 2012.

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