My Faith In God Requires No Evidence Outside of Me

An Invitation to Higher Awareness

July 26, 2012: I finished this post yesterday, but I procrastinated publishing it due to not wanting to be ridiculed for my bizarre experiences that I shared in this post. I also managed to convince myself that it was no rush since not many people like reading long posts. So, God decided to send my stubborn self another reminder. I looked up at the clock, and it was 11:11…again…two times within three days. I quietly sat down and surrendered. My chest became tight, and I broke down into tears. I finally knew that it was time to rise above my comfort zone and journey into territory that I couldn’t remember…yet. I then decided that everything I do from this moment on (i.e., no matter how “crazy,” boring, lengthy, controversial, illogical, unconventional, etc. it may seem), I will do with pride and joy as long as it comes from my heart…my soul expression. I’m the only one who has the power to approve of me.

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I was sleeping last night (July 24, 2012), when I suddenly woke up and had a strong urge to look over at the alarm clock. Usually, when I wake up in the middle of the night, I’m either too tired or too disoriented to immediately do anything. As I stared at the 11:11 on my alarm clock, it seemed like time had slowed down; then, I experienced the all-too-familiar knowing. I recalled seeing the “11:11” before on my alarm clock, and being amused by what seemed like an interesting coincidence. Although I’ve read about this “11:11” phenomenon before, I merely brushed it off as a figment of my imagination. I thought that maybe it was just something that I wanted to believe in. Well, this time, things were very different…very real.

I laid back down to try to fall asleep again, but something caught my attention that I had never noticed before. As I looked at the entrance to my closet, near the foot of my bed, I noticed a white light that looked like a  little star, perhaps the size of a light bulb. All of a sudden, I was very scared, like a small child afraid of the boogeyman. As a matter of fact, I was a child when I last experienced being so afraid while awake in the middle of the night. I woke up many times before between midnight and 04:00 a.m., but never noticed a white light there. I thanked God for helping me to overcome my fear. Strangely, I think I also thanked Archangel Michael for helping as well, and I’ve never asked him for anything before. I was quickly reminded to observe myself from an objective point of view and try to understand why I was behaving the way I did. I then realized that it was fear of the unknown or unfamiliar, and that it was completely natural for me to react the way I did.

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I then remembered to welcome the unfamiliar object, which seemed to have transferred its negative energy to me, and infused it with love and light. Nothing happened. I was still scared. I then tried to recall the healing music of the love frequency 528 hz, which was another unusual reaction. In addition to doing that, I started visualizing all the positive things that I loved about life, to include the beauty and scents of nature, the delicious foods that I love to eat, etc., and I invited this presence to join me. At that point, I noticed that my mind and heart were racing, perhaps in desperation to find a peaceful solution…I don’t know. I then starting making “I AM” statements like, “I AM Love,” “I AM Light,” “I AM Power,” “I AM Courage,” and “I AM Fearless.” Note: I have never made “I AM” statements in the middle of the night before. I then fell asleep.

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When I woke up again in the dark of the night, I was still in the middle of making “I AM” statements, but at a very rapid pace…just as fast as my thoughts, and it blew my mind. It was almost like hearing another voice inside me. At first, I didn’t know whether I should be startled again, but then I recalled just having the most blissful experience of my entire life. I remembered telling someone (I believe God) how beautiful things were; the images and colors were like nothing I had ever seen before. Somewhere in-between all this I heard a voice say that George or whatever the name was (whoever that was) was okay now…or something like that. My intuition told me that welcoming this “George” figure, and infusing him with love and light worked wonders. As mind-boggling as this whole situation was, I felt so much peace and love in my heart that I was care-free…like I was just floating on the clouds. There was no more fear. With the help of fear and darkness, I was able to experience a greater version of who I truly am, which is the all-powerful love and light.

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The last time I recall having an “out-of-this-world” experience like that was when I was lying on my bed startled because my entire body was suddenly vibrating intensely. I was comforted by my intuition that it was just an amazing vibrational signal, and not something to be feared. I told my husband the next day, but I could tell that he didn’t believe that such a thing could happen. The last time I felt such a strong vibration was when I was at an Okinawan zoo with my first husband and baby daughter many years ago. We were standing in front of a lion’s cage, with just one lion sitting there. Just out of nowhere, the lion roared so powerfully that I felt his vibrations throughout my whole body. It sounded nothing like a lion’s roar that you hear on TV.

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Intro to God

The first time I heard about “God” was in 5th grade. I overheard a few girls briefly talking about a book called, “Are You There God, It’s Me Margaret.” I can’t recall the details of what I had heard, I just remember that I tried to find the book at the library, but never did. What was strange then (and for over twenty years), but makes sense now, is that I developed a curiosity for this deity called “God.” I even formed a little trust in something I was never taught about. Growing up, my mother was a so-called Buddhist and my American father (who adopted me since I was three after marrying my mother) was an atheist.

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One time, I asked my parents if I could go to church with my friend and her family, who invited me, and their response was that only crazy folks go to church. Whenever I went to one of my Korean relatives’ house, we usually ended up visiting a Buddhist temple. My mother always told me to bow down to the Buddha statue and pray. So, I would do as I was told, but I don’t recall ever feeling anything from those experiences. I just went through the motions. However, whenever my parents got into a verbal and/or physical fight (which was often), I would run to my room and pray to this God whom I barely knew, or at least that’s what I thought  for the longest time. A relationship was formed. Granted, it was my biggest secret, because if my parents had found out, I would be in deep trouble.

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Although I never had any external proof of His existence, like hearing at least a whisper, I somehow continued to have a desire to seek Him and often called out to Him for his help or companionship. Even when he never saved me from my mother’s abuse (physical, verbal, emotional, and sexual), I wasn’t disappointed or mad at Him. Note: I understand now that I had volunteered to have such experiences during this lifetime, before I was born, so that I could better relate to and help others rise above darkness. I would just forget about it and move on. Although my faith was small at the time, as in, I hadn’t learned to be grateful for what I already had or even loved or helped God, I don’t blame myself; I was just a kid and I didn’t know any better.

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Rising Above & Beyond

Throughout junior high and high school, I started having some interesting experiences. I would ask God for His help (e.g., help me to do good in school, help me to make good friends, help me to meet a nice boyfriend, etc.), and He would take the request and bump it up a couple notches. It was as if He was saying, “You have the potential to do so much more. Believe in yourself.” I just wanted a nice boyfriend to go on a first date with or something, and I ended up going out with a nice, good-looking, smart, funny, rich, charming and popular guy who was a sophomore when I was a freshmen. I just wanted good grades, and the next thing you know, not only did I get good grades, but I also ended up in Honor Society starting my junior year and then became Student Council President my senior year. I just wanted some good friends, but to my surprise, by just being myself and accepting people from all clicks (i.e., nerds, jocks, preps, etc.), I became more popular than those who were in the typical “popular’ clicks.

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During my journey through the Army’s Basic Training camp, I asked God to help me through a very mentally, emotionally and physically challenging course. I continuously replaced negative thoughts with positive ones, and just when I was ready to thank Him for helping me to pass Basic Training, he astonished me by placing me in the top ten percent of my company at graduation. I wrote about my miraculous experiences in the following posts:

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Just as positive thoughts attract positive events in life, so does negative thoughts attract negative events. Fortunately for me, God knew my true intentions, and just provided me with the experiences minus any major personal injuries.

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The Three Miracles

For 17 years of driving, I had never got into a major car accident. However, after more than a year of negative thinking (constantly hoping that I’d end my life in a car accident), I received what I had continuously asked for during those difficult times. I got into a total of three car accidents within three years, where my cars became totalled. I wrote a post a while back about how I believed God saved me from getting into a car accident when I first started driving called, “Luck (Not).”

Miracle #1

It was my fault because I decided to hurry after I noticed that I was holding back some vehicles behind me. I looked both ways several times before I crossed the busy, opposing lanes. I safely crossed the first lane. As I started crossing the second lane, I recall looking over to my right and seeing a large SUV come right at me. It was like a slow motion scene from a movie. Next thing you know, I heard an unbelievably loud crash, and it felt like my insides were coming out of my body. My car spun out of control, and I ended up on the side of the road. The next thing I recall…I heard voices outside the car…one person shouted, “Oh my God!” , another shouted, “Call 911!”, and yet another shouted, “There’s fluid leaking from the car.”

As soon as I heard that, I was determined to hurry up and get out of the car. It wasn’t easy because I was in a lot of pain, especially my chest area. I looked around me and noticed that I was surround by shattered glass and deployed air bags. My next thought was, “God, I hope I didn’t hurt anyone else.” As I crawled my way out, the ambulance crew and police encouraged me not to move. I told them that I had to find out the status of the other vehicle, and that I was okay. When I reached the SUV, I saw a family of four–a couple and their two children–and I felt horrible. I apologized and told them that it was my fault. The lady started yelling at me and calling me a “stupid bitch,” which I thought was well deserved. The strange thing was, as the lady continued to yell at me for putting her family in danger, the man sitting right behind her (I’m assuming it was her husband) was crying and shaking his head side to side as if he was disagreeing with her. My intuition told me that he was probably speeding, and felt responsible as well. I was just grateful that nobody in the SUV was hurt. Although I was taken to the hospital in an ambulance, I had no major injuries. However, I did experience something really interesting. The doctors and the nurses gave me a heads up, but when I witnessed it myself, I was a bit puzzled. I could barely move for several days, and as each day passed by, I had more and more bruises surface like mold gradually growing on a piece of bread.

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Miracle #2 (Premonition)

My husband and I were driving back home at night in the country side. Throughout the day, I had a strange feeling that we were going to hit a deer, but didn’t take my thoughts seriously. I managed to convince myself that we had driven through country roads many times, and we had never hit a deer. As I continued to feel like my energies were low, I decided to do something I had never done before. I told my husband that I was going to sit in the back of the car because I wasn’t feeling well. Once I got there, I laid down with the seat belt buckled.

About five minutes later, I felt and heard a loud crash. The next thing you know our car was spinning out of control. Everything happened so quickly, but at the same time, it felt like time had slowed down again. I was overwhelmed with fear and wondered for that few seconds if my husband and I were going to die. Luckily, there were no oncoming traffic on the other side of the road, where the car came to a halt. I recall being disoriented and in disbelief. We didn’t get hurt, but we had hit a deer…and unfortunately, it didn’t survive the accident. The deer had hit the passenger side of the windshield and cracked it. I thanked God for giving me the urge to go to the back seat; otherwise, I would’ve been more traumatized. I had already been in my first car accident a little over a year ago where my car got totalled, and I didn’t need additional negative images ingrained in my permanent memory.

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Miracle #3

A large, white truck drove into us because the driver was in a hurry. Fortunately, nobody got hurt. The only downside was that this was my third major car accident within three years, and I haven’t been the same since. I get easily startled by loud noises, I’m overly cautious when I’m driving, I’m paranoid when others drive, and my hands and feet sweat profusely as soon as I get into a vehicle. Hopefully, that makes me a much safer driver, and not the other way around.

When God Saved Me

  • When I continued to experience nightmares throughout my adult years, God made them go away. I wrote about these experiences in my post called, “Jesus.”
  • When I was ready to die, but I didn’t really want to, God rescued me. I wrote a post about it called,”Prayer.”
  • When I almost gave up on my search for God, He gave me two blessings: my SOUL sister/neighbor and Neale Donald Walsch. I wrote a post about it called, “Inspiration.”

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Communication with God

When I communicate with God (i.e., through thoughts, feelings, desires, intuition, gratitude, words, etc.), the skies may not part with a ray of light shining down, followed by a Morgan Freeman-like voice, but He communicates back through the numerous sources around me (e.g., other souls, nature, dreams, feelings, intuition, in silence and stillness, electronics, my blog and artwork, music, meditation, etc.). And I believe that He communicates with everyone this way; it’s just a matter of who chooses to listen/notice/feel/acknowledge.
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Spirituality vs. Religion

Recently, I found my niche in the spiritual world through blogs, Twitter, websites, etc. I’m so happy now because I finally feel more at home than I ever was before. I no longer choose to be continuously bombarded or affected by negativity and the pressure, manipulation, control and guilt from certain religious people. Note: Joel Osteen is the only religious person that has inspired me with his positive and loving messages. I, like many other SOUL sisters and brothers I’ve come across (i.e., the most influential being Neale Doanld Walsch), believe that there are many paths to God, and not one is better than the other, and that “We Are All One.”
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Thank you God for always being there for us from the very beginning, and continuing to be there for us…forever. Thank you for all the wonderful opportunities/gifts/blessings included in this ultimate roller coaster of life, for it helps us to remember more and more of who we truly are…a part of All That Is, the Love that has the power to rise above fear, and the Light that has the power to diminish darkness. We also thank you for fear and darkness, for without them, we would not be able to experience Love and Light.
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~ by Bobbie on July 27, 2012.

2 Responses to “My Faith In God Requires No Evidence Outside of Me”

  1. Bobbie…what a heartfelt an honest post. You are really tuned in.

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