The Benefit of Keeping It Real

Alcoholic-2This past Thanksgiving, two of my husband’s former soldiers spent the day with us, and then stayed the night over. We had a great time enjoying each other’s company and some delicious food. It was a small group, but we’re in a sense an integrated family, and it felt intimate.

Towards the end of Thursday evening, after one too many drinks, I could’ve sworn G (the former soldier who has severe PTSD and is usually very kind, well-mannered and quiet) stepped into a phone booth. But instead of transforming into a super hero…he came out as a dark villain.

Because it had been a long time since I had been around an alcoholic (mainly my mother—who’s sober now), I almost forgot what it was like to be in such an environment.

I was later informed that G refuses to get help, and I’m very familiar with how adamant an alcoholic can be.  Earlier that afternoon, G caught on, and asked me not to put so much ice in his drink this time when I volunteered to get his refill for him. I did so because I had noticed that he put more liquor than coke in his drink.

Note: Thank you  for image on right.

JekyllAndHyde-621x321My husband and I had only hung out with G and D five times before, ever since the three of them reunited this year, and I never saw that side of G, and didn’t know that he was seriously an alcoholic. I looked over at D (my husband’s other former soldier, who’s also kind, thoughtful and quiet), and he said under his breath as he shrugged his shoulders, “I’m used to it. It’s pretty much Jekyll and Hyde after too much Wild Turkey. It’s best not to go out under these conditions.”

D and G were planning on doing some Black Friday shopping around 2 a.m., but that plan went out the door. We all noticed that G gradually started using a lot of profanity, especially to his dog. It was apparent that he had a lot of anger built up inside him that needed to be released in a healthy manner. G then became highly irritated at the TV, and I wasn’t looking forward to what might be ahead.

Note: Thank you for image on left.

Jekyll_and_Hyde_by_TGYD decided to go to bed shortly after being exposed to the wave of fear energy. G asked my husband if he wanted to go out for a smoke, and my husband declined. However, moments after we went to bed, G knocked on our door and asked my husband the same question again.

He said that as soon as G asked him to go out and smoke again, he instantly knew G needed someone to talk to. He then added that he always lets his soldiers come to him when they feel ready to talk.

Apparently, G poured his heart out to my husband about his sufferings with being the only team member who survived the IED explosion during his deployment. He was angry and confused because he didn’t understand why he had to survive and live through the memories and pain. He also told my husband that he hated what he saw in the mirror every day.

For 30 minutes or so, my husband listened to G and provided comforting words of encouragement. He also reminded him that it wasn’t his fault. He then gave G a hug and said, “Everything’s going to be alright. I’m here for you, and I love you bro.” I was so touched to hear that last sentence. My husband also somewhat jokingly ordered him to go straight to bed rather than stay up and continue to drink.

I told my husband how proud I am of him for continuing to look out for his former soldiers like a true leader, a big brother, and an amazing friend. We agreed to be there for D and G, despite G being an alcoholic and D being depressed and pessimistic, by Being our true selves to them (to include Deep Understanding, Empathy, Compassion, Forgiveness, Acceptance, Embrace, and Unconditional Love), as well as setting healthy boundaries for ourselves (i.e., self-respect and self-love).

It was the most heart-warming Thanksgiving I had ever experienced, and it completely shattered the old memory of the Thanksgiving day where my dad (who raised me since I was 3 years old) left my mother and I without any notice.

Note: Thank you for image on right.

7d8f3bd00784bb08f3a2cfcf2cfdeef2The morning after, I asked the guys if they would like to go for a walk at our beautiful local park that my husband and I told them about before. They agreed, and we decided to head out after we drank some coffee.

Meanwhile I noticed that G was continuing to call his dog names, even though he wasn’t drunk anymore. Even though I tried to convince him in a gentle loving manner that he should stop Thursday evening, he didn’t listen.

So after trying gentle kindness one more time, I switched over to an assertive approach, and I reminded him that he was being verbally abusive to his dog. He laughed and said that his dog didn’t understand what he was calling her, and that she didn’t mind. Plus, she knew he loved her very much, so it wasn’t a big deal.

I sensed G was using humor and obnoxious behavior to cover something that was lurking deep within his unconscious. I recognized the camouflaged pain from one of my former soldiers who also used humor and obnoxious behavior, and admitted to doing so. They’re both good people with BIG hearts, so there was no fooling this gal.

However, G did mention that he almost threw his dog off the balcony once when she ate four pairs of his shoes. Granted, I could empathize with his feelings, but I was concerned that he wasn’t able to control his behavior (especially after drinking), and that he should be informed that it’s not okay to do what he’s doing.

Note: Thank you for image on left.

ziglar-55I’ve learned through personal experience, and through others’ experiences, that the presence of verbal abuse can be a sign that physical abuse is either hiding around the corner or getting ready to be born.

As G continued to call his dog, “fuck face” and “shit” something while smiling away, I approached him and whispered to his face with a serious expression, “Is that what your daddy used to call you?”

His eyes widened, and was silent for a second. He then replied in a hesitant manner and with an awkward smile, “Nah….” I then asked while squinting my already slanted and beautiful eyes (self-love wink wink), “Are you sure about that? Because you seem to be very attached to those nicknames?”

G replied, “Well, he called me asshole, and other names, but not fuck face.” I shared with him that my mother used to call me some unpleasant names growing up, like “rotten bitch”  and say mean things like, “What the hell are you looking at? I’m going to dig your eyes out.” (due to her own issues) and that I didn’t like them one bit, and that no one deserves to be treated that way. He agreed with a gentle smile.

hologram0831At that moment, I even surprised myself with my impulse action again; however, I’ve learned from my past experiences that choosing to Be my authentic self (fearless and always having loving intentions), rather than my ego self (who only wishes to say and do what’s “acceptable” to society in order to protect my self image) has always led to being in alignment with God/Goddess/Al  That Is/Peace, Love, Joy, Freedom, Truth, Wisdom, Power, Creativity and Abundance.

I was grateful that I had the opportunity to be G’s reflection, and help trigger some of his stored “negative” energy deeply embedded in his dna that had been repressed and suppressed for too long by his ego self.

Since being light (i.e., speaking to him in a gentle, loving approach) in his mirror didn’t catch his attention or help him to remember, I reflected his shadow side…which he responded to without much resistance.

I believe this was a step to lifting the barriers, so that we can help one another to heal rather than continue to pretend that everything’s fine.

I also believe that he, too, was unintentionally reflecting my shadow self back to me, so that I, too, could recognize what my ego self judges, acknowledge that it’s part of me as well, heal from it with better understanding, empathy, compassion, forgiveness, acceptance, embrace, and unconditional love, and then release what no longer positively serves me.

Note: Thank you for image on left.

9891185_origIn essence, he is me and I am him. We crossed each other’s path for both our soul growth, and how we choose to Be to one another will determine whether we contract or expand as a soul. If we choose to see one another through the eyes of God, then we will rise together/raise our vibration as soul brother and sister. And I believe this applies to all of us.

Before heading to the park, I thanked Father God or Father Sky/Mother Goddess or Mother Earth/All That Is for a great day together, and for helping to transmute our energies to higher.

We all enjoyed the peaceful park, especially our dogs. And last but not least, throughout the rest of the day, I didn’t hear G call his dog anymore obnoxious names.

Note: Thank you for image on right.


Note: Thank you Violet Maya Burge for the image on left. 

Where there is darkness, let me bring light.

– St. Francis of Assisi


~ by Bobbie on December 3, 2013.

2 Responses to “The Benefit of Keeping It Real”

  1. Wow….you did him a real service Bobbie.

    • Thanks J, but I believe we did each other a service. I initially took your comment the wrong way–thought you were being a smartass because the comment seemed to have a patronizing tone to it. But then I realized that it was just me projecting my “negative” thoughts and feelings onto you. I’m sorry. I had a roller coaster day yesterday, and I’m working on my trust issues with people.

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