Closure for 2013: Releasing Unhealthy Relationships

UPDATED: January 17, 2014

Integrating Light and Dark (<== Click on title to view in another window. This post helped me to expand my consciousness in regards to my brief relationship with my biological earth father)


“Navigating through the heart is how you will move into this new age of fifth dimensional consciousness. It will be honouring your unique interests and your unique life path. You will be navigating through how you truly feel. You will always be having your highest expressions if you are following what feels right for you. It is giving yourself permission to be the expert of your own life experience.” Live By Your Heart ~ Channeled November 27, 2013,
Most of us have experienced being in relationships that habitually don’t feel good, whether it’s short-term or long-term, and there are different yet similar reasons why we choose to stay in these unhealthy relationships, despite what our heart communicates to us.
I believe it’s time for change…change within.
Note: Thank you  for perfect  image on right.
91408-87649I used to think that Being my true self/Unconditional Love essence meant continuing to Be understanding, empathetic, compassionate, forgiving, accepting, embracing and unconditionally loving to others (especially my biological parents) regardless of how they continued to make me feel.
I was wrong to believe that I could fully love another unconditionally while not fully loving myself unconditionally.
Letting go of those who no longer positively serves us is not always easy. It’s even more difficult when it comes to a family member or a close friend.
I believe I was struggling with letting go of my unhealthy relationships with my biological parents because we (human beings) have been conditioned by society to respect and love our parents unconditionally.
Note: Thank you for perfect image on left.
freedom_by_gyaban-d4y03ctIt was even more challenging for me because I also grew up in Korean culture, which further emphasizes the importance of respecting, honoring and loving one’s parents unconditionally, regardless of how they treat you.
However, I realize that I believe in taking the best of whatever culture one was raised in. In addition to that, I feel that anyone can adopt whatever culture resonates with them, even if they’re not from that culture. It’s all about choices and Being a free soul.
So it doesn’t matter who the other person (or people) is; if they’re habitually not treating us with the same respect, understanding, empathy, compassion, forgiveness, acceptance, embrace and unconditional love that we, too, deserve, then they don’t need to be a part of our lives.
Note: Thank you  for perfect image on right.
e460fd0d17a9390f18c34a8906090770Allowing someone to continuously manipulate, use and/or control us (i.e., trying to make us feel sorry for them with ongoing guilt trips)—ranging from a very subtle manner to a very blatant manner—is not respecting and loving ourselves unconditionally. And if we can’t love ourselves unconditionally, then we won’t be able to fully do it for others.
An habitual verbal, emotional and/or psychological beating will eventually create resentment even in the most understanding and loving human being. No one deserves that, and any parent who demands their child or children to love them unconditionally while failing to return the same love is not being a loving parent/person.
Those who just take, take and take without ever wanting to give (not even a few kind words) to another need to learn (as a human being)/remember (as a soul) that taking advantage of others is only hurting themselves.
Note: Thank you for perfect poster on left.
all-human-beings-are-interconnected-one-with-all-other-elements--henry-reed-mark-stankiewiczBy no longer choosing to be an object to be used and/or abused, we not only discontinue encouraging and supporting their unhealthy behaviors, but we also send a clear and assertive message, “Don’t mistaken my kindness for weakness. I will no longer allow you to treat me the way you’ve been treating me because I’ve learned/remembered to respect and love myself. I deserve much better treatment from others, and I will receive it by giving it to those who appreciate it.”
Like Neale Donald Walsch once said, “What we do for another, we do for ourselves. What we fail to do for another, we fail to do for ourselves” since we are all One.
Note: Thank you for interconnection image on right.
hapinessI’m all about forgiving, even up to or more than 77 times (like Jesus mentioned), because we all make mistakes; however, I believe it’s important to have discernment.
Like one of my Army supervisors once told me about someone who kept doing certain things while being fully aware of the “negative” impact it had on others, “We all make mistakes in life, but there’s a difference between someone who drops the ball every now and then, and someone who continuously does things because it’s just part of their personality.”
I choose to love my biological earth parents unconditionally, which means I will accept them as they are…by just letting them Be…from far, far, far away.
Note: Thank you for perfect quote and beautiful image and background on left.
Freedom_by_sharkkk-1We all go through our own soul growth at our own pace, so I have no judgment toward where they choose to be right now.
However, I no longer feel obligated to be in their lives when they’ve made it pretty clear over the years and even decades that they don’t appreciate me. If they happen to call or write with a genuine interest of starting a healthy and loving relationship, then I will follow my intuition and make a decision.
So until then…I wish them to remember who they truly are—their true self/soul/individuation of God, Goddess &Divine Spirit/All That Is.
As I continue to change from within, and my outer world continues to reflect my inner world like a mirror, I have no doubt that our paths will cross again; and I trust that we will all be in a better place in that particular Moment of Now.
Note: Thank you  for image on right.
embrace_shadow_self490Recently, I have experienced a greater degree of my shadow aspects (others who are so-called “negative”) reflecting back to me my remaining inner turmoil deep within me, giving me yet another opportunity to release them once I have healed from them.
Since we cannot release what we don’t even acknowledge that we have, I believe it’s important for us to first notice, recognize, acknowledge, understand (at a profound level), empathize with, have compassion for, forgive, embrace, accept and unconditionally love our shadow selves.
After having been repressed and suppressed for so long by our ego self (desiring to do what’s “acceptable” to society), our shadow self ends up manifesting another, shouting, “Notice me! Understand me! Embrace me! You’ve been ignoring, denying, judging and rejecting me for too long!”
Like Neale Donald Walsch mentioned in one of his books, as well as other teachers of Spirituality, our soul attracts every experience to us for our own soul growth, as well as every other soul’s highest good. Out shadow selves help to trigger “negative” energy stored deep within our own DNA, so that we may release them with unconditional love.
So when these blessings show up in our lives (even the disguised blessings), we can either welcome them into our space (realizing that our true self sent it to ourselves), and then choose to either release or keep them, or we can continue to resist them (not choosing to realize that “they” are us and we are “them” in essence).
Note: Thank you for perfect and creative image on left.
?????When we resist (through denial, judgment, rejection, suppression, repression, etc.) seeing our own shadow self (who desperately desires to be acknowledged and unconditionally loved) through others , we continue to experience them—just through different faces—until we finally learn our life lesson (to embrace ALL aspects of ourselves and others) that’s presented to us as disguised blessings.
The following is “Mirror Effect Reveals Soul Path!” posted by Meindert Arends on February 22, 2013 at 3:30pm
By using the Mirror Effect, we have a continual stream of incoming data about our current condition…we can determine what is our energetic frequency, the true nature of our essence, the motivating drive and passions in our heart, and the propelling purpose of our Soul’s gifts. With the Mirror Effect we can begin to trust our own magnetism as the direct link to our Truth! The state of our magnetism reveals inner Soul Presence and whatever remaining 3D shadow for clearing. If we can’t trust what we magnetize, then who can we trust? Our inner magnetism is our map, our User’s Manual for manifesting our path and purpose.When we tune inward and connect to the wealth of our inner magnetism, we learn to trust in our inherent ability to attract what we need in every given moment. It is the inner journey into our Divine Oneness!”
Note: Thank you for perfect on right.
psyche-baby-bubbles-designMy shadow reflections are also testing my waters by showing up in my reality as new and old friends, whom I can understand (at a deeper level), empathize with, have compassion for, forgive, accept, embrace, unconditionally love and then keep…or release what no longer positively serves me.
I’m grateful for their appearance in my life so that I may have an opportunity to learn life lessons (to release judgment and to better define myself in relation to them). I noticed that I’m highly attracted to those with a positive attitude and outlook on life, an open mind and heart, a desire to expand their consciousness, as well as those who are genuinely kind, giving (i.e., of their time, attention, heart, etc., not just material things) honest, and loyal.
When a friend figure shows up as anything other than that which stems from love (our true essence), I now understand to initially welcome them to my space in order to first heal/remember from them, and then release what no longer positively serves me (e.g. talking “negatively” behind other friends’ back, gossiping, habitually being pessimistic, etc.).
Note: Thank you for helpful quote and beautiful image on left.
I included stories about my biological parents in my post, “Facing the Unknown: An Examination of True Love,” which includes why I deeply understand those who may be labeled by society as “narcissists,” “abusers,” and even “serial killers.”
Note: Thank you for beautiful and perfect image on right.

December 22, 2013 Update

Thank you biological earth mother for serving me well with my soul growth. I AM now releasing you, who no longer positively serve me, my life and my soul mission.

Continuation from post, “Because I Love You Mother” (I also wrote about my insights that I gained about my mother in the posts “Liberating Wings of Freedom (Rising Above Childhood and/or Adulthood Abuse)” and “Facing the Unknown: Examination of True Love” :

law_of_karma_1_all_ws1017917032After several months, I decided to call my aunt, who my mother lives with, to see how they were doing.
Ironically, the aunt (the one I called) who told me months ago to just take my mother’s verbal and emotional abuse—since I’m her daughter, and because my aunt’s son just takes it from my aunt as well—ended up losing her own son. He apparently had enough of his own mother’s verbal and emotional abuse.
The last time she told him/my older cousin that she wanted to disown him, he begged her to forgive him (although I believe he wasn’t the one with the problem). 
When she told him that she was going to disown him again (like my mother told me twice throughout my life), he agreed and went separate ways; she hasn’t heard from him in a while.
Note: Thank you for poster on left.
hands-releasing-butterflyThis was surprising news to me since I’ve always known my older cousin to be a very patient, quiet, humble and good man.  I still believe he’s all that plus more.
Now, I see him as courageous, honest, accepting and unconditionally loving (to include accepting what is without the need to change it).
By acknowledging my cousin’s courage to do what’s best for him, I believe I acknowledge my own courage to do what’s best for me as well.
This scenario reminded me of what my step-mom once told me when I was in my early twenties. When I built up enough courage to talk to her about her various words of discouragement, as well as my thoughts and feelings that turned into beliefs, I was able to finally release the false belief that no longer positively served me.
Note: Thank you for perfect image on right.
Wayne-Dyer-Quotes-on-Meditation-Life-Change-Intention-and-More-650x417I asked her, “Have you ever told your daughter (her biological daughter who’s now in her late twenties) what you told me back then?”
She gently replied that she didn’t, and she asked me to forgive her for saying such insensitive things, and that she was an immature adult in her thirties. I forgave her, but I noticed that the universal law was still in effect.
My step-mom had told me to just marry the first guy who came along, since I would have a hard time getting married one day. She continued that no family wants their son to marry someone who has a bad family background, limited education (a college degree), and a lack of money…and I believed her.
When she said “When I tell you this Bobbie, I’m not trying to hurt you; I’m just telling you the truth,” I later realized that this was her truth, but it wasn’t my truth or The Truth. My step-mom was merely sharing with me her deep beliefs that was ingrained in her by her own family and society.
Note: Thank you for inspiring quote and image on left.
MostBelieve400What she didn’t realize is that her very belief caused her own daughter to appear in her reality to have challenges in dating (let alone getting married), her career and her financial situation, since her daughter is in the same “category” as I was when I was in my twenties.
It would’ve been nice to be able to share my beliefs with her on this matter, but it was Divine perfect timing not to at the time. My step-mom had a habit of not listening well during conversations, whether it was face-to-face or by phone.
Note: Thank you for helpful quote on right.
Listening-is-the-Greatest-Gift-you-can-Give-to-AnyoneLooking back, I’m grateful for the disguised blessing which often reminded me to be cognizant of my own listening skills with others, since I wished for others to experience feeling worthy and interesting enough to be listened to by another.
Typically, I would get an average about five sentences in within a three-hour conversation with my step-mom. If you’ve ever been around a very chatty person, you may have an idea of what it’s like…that it’s not exactly a two-way conversation.
Note: Thank you for beautiful quote and image on left., I realized that chatty people are the way they are because they’re desperate to squeeze in as much information as they possibly can into anyone who’s willing to listen to them because this helps them to feel heard, worthy, interesting, alive, and temporarily not lonely.
Excessively chatty people are most of the time unable to give their full attention to others with active listening, noticing, understanding, empathy, compassion, words of kindness (to include encouragements, compliments, support, etc.) because they don’t believe that they have it within themselves.
They’re so busy trying to desperately fill the void within themselves, that they more than likely and unintentionally block out the needs of others. In the end, they wonder why people avoid their calls (or no longer call them), no longer want to hang out with them, or even want to end their relationship with them.
Note; Thank you for helpful quote and image on right.
My step-mom made several attempts—throughout the almost 20 years that we started a relationship—to convert me into Catholicism. I even attended her church before and sat in her so-called bible study gatherings at her home.
The last time she tried to convince me to become Catholic again (less than 2 years ago), I informed her that I respect her choices for her beliefs, and that I would appreciate it if she respected mine.
When she continued to block out my words as usual, and be adamant about her strong need to control and recruit me—to include demanding that I discontinue watching Joel Osteen (because he was a bad influence), and recommending a Catholic channel—-I made a decision to no longer call her.
Note: Thank you for inspiring quote and beautiful image on left.
Yesterday-I-was-clever-so-I-wanted-to-change-the-world.-Today-I-am-wise-so-I-am-changing-myselfI understood she meant well (trying to “save” me), but her habitual actions that stemmed from fear (rather than love) failed to convince me to join her religion, and that being in a relationship with her was in alignment with my true self/soul/God, Goddess & Divine Spirit/All That Is.
I pray that she, too, remembers her true self/soul, so that she no longer has a desperate need to “save” others. I, too, for a long time, was so desperate to help others to be happier, become more positive, or to better their lives, that I forgot that I’m the one who needs to focus on changing within, and that everything else will take care of itself.
I’ve also been trying to help my younger step-sister with the whole “changing from within” teachings that I’ve been fortunate to come across, but I’ve been reminded again that everyone will remember their true selves (go through their soul growth) at their own pace, and others (even family) can’t force it upon them no matter how much we want to share wisdom and lighten their sufferings.
Note: Thank you  for inspiring quote and image on right.
The-more-you-trust-your-intuitionAnyway, I’ve had a few conversations with my mother ever since my aunt convinced me to give it another try. However, I have to be honest with myself; our conversations just don’t feel good.
During one of the conversations, she said in a tone that was very familiar to me since childhood (although she tried to mask it with insincere politeness), “By the way, if the phone suddenly hangs up…it’s not me, it’s the battery.”
She had hung up on me several months ago after telling me that she was going to disown me, so she was either trying to use an excuse in case she felt like doing it again, or perhaps she was just trying to cover her ass in case it did actually happen.
Note: Thank you for helpful quote and colorful background on left.
OWN-VOICE.All I know for sure is that ever since I informed her that I could no longer send her money, which I’ve been doing for a long time, she made it very clear that she wasn’t pleased (with her tone of voice), although she said that she understood.
The last Mother’s Day card I sent, she didn’t even let me know that she had received it. When I asked her, “Did you get my card?” she replied with a displeased tone, “Yeah.”
It was the first card that I had sent without any money in it. All the cards before that she thanked me with much excitement. She even suggested that I replace the money with larger bills (i.e., $100 bills).
Note: Thank you for inspiring quotes and beautiful image on right.
what-you-allowI then realized that her love wasn’t the typical mother’s unconditional love…it was very conditional, something that I had always sensed throughout my life, but didn’t want to believe.
Even my former psychologist once told me that I shouldn’t expect my biological parents to ever love me (or anyone else) unconditionally because she believed they were narcissists, which I included in my post, “Facing the Unknown: An Examination of True Love.”
I chose not to send my mother anymore cards since she no longer appreciates them anyway. Ever since I decided to leave the Army, she’s treated me differently—withholding the little love they she had once shared.
Note: Thank you  for helpful quote on left.
534092She insisted many times that I stay in the Army longer, but she wasn’t the one who had some unpleasant experiences while in the Army, to include getting raped. I never bothered to tell her, because I was pretty sure that she would blame me, the way she blamed me for everything that went wrong with her life once I came into it.
She held me responsible for ruining her life, to include my biological father leaving us when I was six months old (claiming that I cried too much), and my father who raised me divorcing her. She wanted me to stay in the Army so that I could continue supporting her.
I’ve learned that she’s the way she is because of all the hurt and suffering that she’s been through. However, I no longer feel obligated to help her to heal and become a more loving person; I now trust that it will happen naturally.
Everyone goes through their own soul growth at their own pace. I finally learned that to love unconditionally is not just about learning (as a human being)/remembering (as a soul) to love oneself unconditionally as well as others, but to allow things to just be the way they are without having the need to change it (acceptance).
Note: Thank you for helpful book cover on right.
555I will continue to focus on changing within, and by doing so, if I happen to cross paths with my mother again in a more positive reality (since I believe we constantly shift into a parallel reality that matches our frequency in the Moment of Now)…then that’s great.
However, until then, I AM Releasing what and who no longer positively serves me, to include my biological earth mother.
I also forgive myself for not being fully compassionate toward myself.
Note: Thank you for inspiring quote on left.

Thank you biological earth father for serving me well with my soul growth. I AM now releasing you, who no longer positively serve me, my life and my soul mission.

The following is from my updated post, “My First Encounter with a Narcissist,” which is part of a series of posts which include my thoughts, feelings, experiences and insights I’ve gained about my biological father (I also sent him an e-mail of the section below):

Dear Earth biological father, Ron, since you are ultimately an aspect of me, and I of you, I am going to do both of us a favor so that we may wake-up to the reality that We Are All One/individuations/souls of God, Goddess & Divine Spirit/All That Is, rather than continue to live within the illusions that we are separate. My ego self says that expressing my truth will make us both look bad in the eyes of the majority society; however, my expanded self chooses to bring us back to our truth by whatever means necessary by embracing our shadow selves/our dark sides as well as our light aspects. I now understand that the shadow aspect of you that I once angrily judged during the time that I had written this post serves as mirror to reflect my own shadow self (you are my shadow), who also passionately desires to be acknowledged as “worthy,” appreciated for her existence, celebrated by others (especially her own parents), fully embraced by her true self, and unconditionally loved by her true self and her soul brothers and sisters. As I learn the lesson of releasing judgment of the shadow aspects of people like you and myself, I AM Free to be my authentic, true self. I AM the Unconditional Love that I’ve been yearning for all of my life, and I don’t need anything or anyone (to include my biological earth parents) outside of me to fulfill what has always been within me. Thank you for serving me well with my soul growth…I now release what no longer positively serves me. I wish for you to also remember your true self at your own pace in your soul journey, whether that takes this life time, or several more lifetimes. If you choose not to learn your life lessons in this lifetime, for your soul evolution, you will reincarnate (as you claimed to believe as well, although you also claim to be Catholic) as me in one of your next lifetimes since I believe that you are a part of my expanded self within this particular universe. Remember…your true essence (as well as every other soul) is Unconditional Love Energy/Divine Consciousness. I pray that you consciously raise your vibration, observe with eyes of God within and around, and change from within so that your outer reality will reflect your inner world. Take care. I love you unconditionally…Bobbie
Also note that the inner pain and frustration, upset with the world etc. are not what make narcissists narcissists.  What makes them narcissists is the assumption that they are entitled to structurally take their frustration out on others -and make the lives of others miserable- with no true regard for the well-being of anyone but themselves.So just because you can relate to the inner woundedness of a narcissist doesn’t mean they are entitled to your active support and compassion. There are many people who have hurt and disappointment that needs healing, yet not all of those people take it out on others. As an HSP you know this. When you allow yourself to remember – you’ll come up with oodles of people who -despite their inner pain- care for and truly support other people. Don’t buy into the myth that narcissists are more of a victim in this way than anyone else. They have free will just like any and all of us, and they have the ability to choose how they direct that free will.”

The following quoted section of this reading has been added on January 5, 2014, along with the link (click on title to view in another window):

What do balanced relationships look like to you? They will honour you. They will uplift you. They will celebrate you and support you being in your authenticity and your continued growth and expansion. You will be stepping into the dance of love, understanding that what you hold you draw, what you give you receive. It is like becoming part of the pulse of your planet, taking in, giving out, in beautiful balance, understanding that what serves the one serves the whole, and what serves the whole serves the one. Beautiful balance, Dear Ones!You will be letting go of your own victim consciousness and your tendency to support the victim consciousness of others, understanding that each person has a team of helpers and a universe that is assisting them. You will acknowledge that they are powerful creators themselves and by honouring them in that, you will only bring greater balance to your life and give them the opportunity to find their own balance in their lives as well.The relationships that you have had that held no joy, no appreciation are a thing of the past. You will find yourselves effortlessly drawing in friendships that are based on supporting each other rather than one giving and one taking all the time. Fair weather friends will no longer appeal. You may settle for having fewer friends, but the friends that you embrace will have a far greater energetic resonance to you and will be joyful, encouraging and uplifting.”


~ by Bobbie on December 27, 2013.

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